I don’t often feel the need to post reactionary type stuff on here because A. I got Twitter and B. I’m extremely lazy. But… (Chicken), I just saw a new “music video” and felt the urge to throw down some thoughts on wax. (bees)

A friend and truly twisted human being, Messr. Jeremy Gaffer posted the following tweet, on the twitter machine

@JeremyGaffer MIA’s video for “Born Free” is hilarious. If you don’t think so, you obviously don’t get Eric Cartman’s humor.

MIA, I thought to myself. Self, you know MIA! The “Paper Planes” lady. The lady who you have all the mashups of. The lady, who in fact you first heard of through a Aziz Ansari standup routine, years before “Paper Planes” became the earworm that it was. That lady. And now she has a new song… and… it’s funny? And there may in fact be some connection to South Park involved in the video? Go for it brain, spin your dream wheels. Is it a parody of a South Park episode? No.. to specific. Maybe it’s just thematically linked, or like… a really fucked up video- sharing Cartman’s trademark sensibilities. Ok, what’s the best case scenario? Matt and Trey directed MIA video. Worst case? Funny video to keep me busy till my next bong hit.

So, I stopped talking to myself and went over the Google machine, and typed in MIA, BORN FREE.

And I saw, that is was in fact a video- a music video at that. Good times. Let’s click away. And seriously, stop talking to yourself.

M.I.A, Born Free from ROMAIN-GAVRAS on Vimeo.

Oh, I get it… I GET IT. MIA is retarded! No, I don’t mean that in a pejorative manner. I mean quite literally, she’s mentally handicapped bordering on the verge of helmet wearing. How do I make this bold assessment?

Cuz…. that was the single most offensive thing I’ve ever seen in my life. And not because of the “shocking” message, which is what Ms. IA I’m sure wanted but rather… Wow, that’s the lamest, most 4th grade (and not even a smart fourth grader.. I’m talking a still sneaking into the 1st grade class and eating play-doh type of tyke), “hey, man- the US Goverment is EVIL man!”, pathetic, sad, desperate attempt for publicity, “message” that I’ve ever heard or seen.

Allow me to continue.

Sure, things ain’t great in the old US o A these days. Economy blows, we’re constantly at war and it seems like we’re not far off from being rebranded as Bible Land USA Fun Park (Which, would kind of rock- not the bible part- the fact that my country would be a amusement park). And blah blah blah, stoner bitch moan. I don’t even watch the news. So fuck me, ya know. But…

Fundamentalist/Conservative Government= Swat team rounding up redheads to execute in the desert?

Nahhhhhhh.

That’s a leap. A huge leap. And only a leap, and I say this in the tenderest of ways (meh)…, someone of diminished mental capacities would make. And that kind of makes this whole thing excusable. If MIA is really “slow”, then it’s like- good for you buddy. I get it. You’re mad at something or something. And like, yeah- shooting a child in the head may cause some emotional responses but so would some other things a little less INFUCKINGSANE. Because if MIA isn’t a member of the short bus crew- then,… I so very much want her to go away forever (And I don’t mean dead, ya mooks. I mean out of my life). Look, I’m never huge on activist-musicians. I think the two are really kind of random bedfellows. But at least Bono earned that shit. He put out amazing records for years. You, MIA- are the paper planes lady. Another song with an oddly vague/violent message that was washed over buy it’s adorable hook. You can’t jump from Disney Channel to Guevara that quick, my dear.Regardless…

Remember that kid in high school who used to wear like, explicit t-shirts or dye his hair crazy colors and write random shit on his arms in White Out to make a statement and get a reaction? And the statement they were trying to make never really made sense, or rather- it was easy. Like yeah-  we get it man. You’re such a free thinker. I got to go Biology now. Yeah. MIA is that kid. And let’s all admit it. That kid WAS kind of retarded.

Also… She forgot the music part.

“ALL I WANNA DO IS BOOOM BOOOM BOOOOM,  AND , AND KILL MY CAREER”

P.S: I’m far from a patriot (Hi Belgium. Love ya) but… SHE ISN’T EVEN MOTHERFUCKING AMERICAN. Arm chair critics suck… they suck worse when they are critiquing from thousands of miles across an ocean.

Psssst…. You can tell she’s a staunch Communist by all the “Bling” she be rocking… Yo