Matt Cohen here, on a blustery (almost blunder-blustery) December day. As I sit in my Lemonade Parlour, which is adjacent to the large Solarium and two doors down from the small Lunarium; I can’t help but take stock of the year that has been.

First off: All this sending a man to the moon Hullabaloo! I’m for it! And how!!!

In my own life, 2011 brought the birth of a new podcasting hat, that of a producer (incidentally a producer hat is actually a sporty head-band, so not really a hat at all but you know… semantics). Between Mohr Stories, Team Jack and a very fun stint on Waking From The American Dream, I have had the chance to “Cut my teeth” (literally. Diamond bristled toothbrushes ftw, bitch) as a producer/further refine my engineering skills. I honestly thought with the closing of the SmodCastle my pod-load would lessen a bit, rather; It’s become my full time gig. Which rocks. All of your socks. Don’t believe me? Check your socks… That’s what I thought.

Another personal pod milestone for me this year was the launch of my second weekly podcast, SMidnight ; co starring everyone’s favorite lovable scamp (re: Punk) Matt Cruz . Every Saturday night at 9 (or Smidnight, depending on where you hang your hat/or producer head band), I get the pleasure of chatting with Cruz and the world about all the geeky things currently stuck in my craw. Getting the chance to do a live, old school, call in radio show has been a dream come true for a dude who grew up listening to 5 hours of Howard Stern a day. Honestly, my work with Smod and of course, Kevin Smith has allowed me to really live out a lot of my adolescent/teenage fantasies- Comedy Theater Manager, Producer, Radio Host, Chip and Dale Rescue Ranger. It’s been a dream.

In keeping with the theme of dreams, because really folks- all that we see or seem is but a dream about that episode of Step By Step where Carol and Karen enter a mother-daughter beauty pageant; 2012 is the year I swing for the fences. Yes, the last half decade has been one happy surprise after another, but I feel like it’s time I take the reigns a bit and start driving this bald headed and yet mysteriously good looking tankard of a life.  As I write this, I am one week away from a one week long Phish odyssey in New York City. I arrive back in Los Angeles on Jan 1st, 2012.

The day it all begins. Again. For the last time. Maybe, hopefully.

MY PLANS FOR 2012: Bullet List Stylee- cause we all got shit to do

• Bagged & Boarded is back!: Not gonna lie- With all that went on this past year, B & B has fallen unfortunately, a bit to the way-side. Remedied very soon. There have basically been four incarnations of the show, in it’s four year history. Each with it’s own pros and cons in my mind., however- Each a part of the show. In 2012, I’m mashing that shit up like that dude from Girl Talk (I think his name is Dj Skrillex Maus). Starting on New Years Eve, and EVERY Saturday after that- B&B is back, in one of many ways. The new format is thus: Format party. Basically, every week I’ll switch up what kind of episode airs. Either a “Brave and the Bold” (me and a buddy just shooting the shit), A “Bagged & Boarded Live! (Me, celeb guest, usually recorded with a live audience), A “Experts of Everything and Nothing (An in depth fan episode where myself and a guest chat about one subject we are both passionate about) or lastly, a “Dream-Jobs” ep (Myself and folks who get to do amazingly cool stuff for a living). So whatever type of ep it may be, you’ll get a fresh B&B every week from now on. Believe that, shit.
  
  
• SMidnight: Is going nowhere fast. I love it. Cruz loves it. 2 people love it! As the show grows, I think we are finding a good steady pace for it. New segments, contests, guests, ways to interact coming in the new year. Saturday is podcast day, yall. Eat your eggos with some B&B, drink yourself to sleep with SMidnight. The in-between is up to you.

• Vlogs: Some people say I have a face for podcasting. Those people have never looked at me over a candlelit dinner, my eyes peering back into theirs; almost reading their very soul. It’s a party trick I do. Youtube/videos are one part of the net’experience I have always overlooked. No more. I will look it, now. EVERY week, peep a new VLOG at my Youtube HQ for your visual perusal. Subscribe/comment/rate/spank bank it. Have a party. The vlog will really allow me to do “mini podcasts” when I’ve got something to rant or rave about. Peep the freshness. Then go to my youtube page.

• G.E.E.K: I’ve been talking about this one for a while, but not really going into details. It’s time for full discretion. I have written a graphic novel (with the editing help of Mr. Shawn Depasquale). I have also enlisted the help of the INSANELY talented artist, Axel Ortiz (peep his work HERE). However, this is gonna be a group effort. In early January… I Kickstart this ish. I know, very original, however- tricks/fun in store to make it different than the usual “donate money to my geek thing thing!”. The whole process has been insanely fun and I can’t wait to share this book with you cats. It’s basically my take on a “superhero team”. So capes, villains, fights, deep mythology, intrigue, double-crosses mixed with lots of “inside geek stuff”, weed, jokes, pop culture, celeb cameos. It’s got it all. If you’ve ever dug anything I’ve done, I really think you’ll have a great time with G.E.E.K. It’s probably the most unfiltered ”Me” thing I’ve ever done, if that makes any sense. And it does. Boom. Mind’s blown. Stay tuned for the Kickstarter announcement soon and ways to get involved.

• Art: I spend a lot of time doing art projects that noone ever sees. Alot of time. Like, 20 hours a week. I’d like to share with the class. I’m taking my favorite pieces and turning em into high quality prints for purchase at nominal fees! (so nominal, you guys). If you’ve ever wanted to own and proudly display a piece of me without going into stalkery/mutilationy territory, here’s your chance. All prints will be available (as well as shirts and some more fun stuff) at the newly launched Camel Toad Store, coming in early 2012.

• Mixtape: I like to rap. All Jewish kids from NY do. Blame Beastie. However, now with the help of lil Mr rap  guy Matt Cruz, I got the means to do it right. Don’t expect anything gamechanging. Or do? I don’t know you, man. Live your own life! Coming soon in your earholes.

• Comedy Sketches: These may not be as frequent at first, due to time constraint/budgetary concerns (ie, no time or money) but I’ve assembled quite the comedy troupe to help me bring some of my sketches to life this year, and starting very soon, you’ll be able to see the fruits of our labors. Cause we dont wear pants. Peep the YouTube Page for updates.

• Secret Projects: There’s a bunch I can’t talk about, either do to sensitivity or just not wanting to jinx. However- I got a lot more planned this year, with such illustrious folks as Misti Dawn, Jen Friel, Mike Hatton , Taylor Negron and many more. A mix of what I do now (podcasting, producing shows, etc) and some new fun (acting, writing, directing) If all goes according to plan, you will all be SICK of me by sometime in March. Love-Sick. SNAP!!!!!! take a breathe. SNAP!!!!! oh, shit.

All the above, along with a COMPLETE RELAUNCH of CamelToadProductions.com, and lots more to come throughout the year. Down with naps, up with homework! If by this time next year none of these things happened, I will move back in with my parents (nope). And that’s a promise! (not). Im very excited and more excited that you folks can come along the journey with me. Bring a canteen, a few cliff bars, maybe a frisbee? And let’s have ourselves a walk-about in 2012!

And a very happy non denomination winter time greeting to you all.

Who am I kidding.

Happy Chanukah!!!! You KNOW you love those candles!

- Matt Cohen Esq (self ordained)

12/21/2011 “The Lemonade Parlour”

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It’s been a minute. Unless you follow me on twitter (And I mean, who doesn’t? Looking at you, Kutcher!) and then it’s literally been a minute.

Hi. How are you? The kids? Oh. Oh-… Ok. Stop now. It’s called pleasantries. Dick.

What bring’s me here tonight, you may be asking (do it- It feel’s amazing).  It’s been a fairly hectic… year; in a good way of course- but, having been behind the proverbial trenches so much I have lost the thread a bit when it comes to updating my websites. This shall not abide. I shall not abide this! Something about abiding! (I’m tired).

With all this said, and the relaunching of my life (which has had more reboots then Michael Myers) I though’t I’d give you all some brief updates into the state of all things Camel Toad.

Bullet Listed- Cause who has time anymore, am I right? I am.

• BAGGED & BOARDED: The Flagship show. The Towncar, to my Lincoln. The watermelon-kiwi Skittle to my Tropical flavor blended skittles. The biggun. Where’s it been? Oh, how bout gearing up to greet the world via the nation’s most esteemed comic book shop: Golden Apple Comics! That’s right- with the closure of our beloved SmodCastle, Bagged & Boarded is moving the live recordings to Golden Apple Comics on Melrose Ave in the heart of Hollywood! Things kick off on Wednesday, July 6th at 8pm with renowned voice-over artist, comedian and Marvin, Mr. Phil Lamarr! Tickets to B&B @GappleComics will be FREE for all! Save your money for important things… like insulin. Of course, other then the live recordings I will be presenting episodes of the Brave and the Bold: Old School comedy podcasting with some of the funniest and only friends I have. All this courtesy of Golden Apple and the fine- nay; stellar folks at the SmodCast Network and SModCast Internet Radio. Ton’s of great guests lined up, plenty of Brave and Bold convo’s to be had, new merch on the way, special “road” shows-… Lot’s going on folks. Keep up. This will all be on the test.

• MOHR STORIES: In which i take off my podcasting hat and put on my podcasting hat- with the producer brim. I am proud to be the producer/engineer for the hilarious Jay Mohr’s (SNL, Jerry Maquire, Last Comic Standing) new weekly SmodCast Network podcast, MOHR STORIES . Each week Jay and a funny friend/comedian chat about some of the craziest and never before heard stories from the depths of the Comedy world. While I am not a “vocal” (but kinda am- you’ll see) part of the show, this is my new gig- and therefore will receive my full attention and abilities. What I’m trying to say is- you know I take pride in my podcasts. Add in the insanely funny Jay Mohr and his equally funny pals- Must hear, podcast gold. Coming soon

• UPCOMING CAMELTOAD/TOO MANY HATS WEB SERIES: This one is exciting. Not that all my other projects aren’t but-…. this one is going to be something special. Without giving out too many (or virtually ANY details), my good friend and comedic actor extraordinare  Mike Hatton (Shoot The Hero, Seriously Funny Kids) approached me with a concept for a webseries and less then two weeks later… We’re off to the races folks. We’ve got our location, our crew- and some VERY exciting casting announcements (which I’ll be making in the next few weeks, but suffice it to say- It’s gonna be like Bagged & Boarded all-stars up in this piece. The screen will be filled with some impressive and infamous folks. We lucked the FUCK out). I will be writing the series with Mike, acting in it and editing the piece (as well as AD’ing- cause I’m a screamer).  Hopefully as things come together I can let you folks know a bit more of what’s coming your way but until then…. Webseries. Strip Club. Hilarious. Chew on that…

• CAMEL TOAD COMICS: I have alot of movie ideas. At current time date… 73 on the big board. So… that’ll never happen. But rather then allow these concepts to go un-tapped, I have begun to “translate” some of my screenplays into the comic book format, and with the help of some incredibly talented friends I have in the industry, have also begun the process of turning them into real life, honest to goodness, paper product Comic Books! (in 3D even!). This obviously won’t be an “over night” project but sometime before the year is out, I hope to have the first issue (or first few) of a Camel Toad Comic on shelves (and virtual shelves) near you.

• MATT COHEN; STAND-UP COMEDIAN: I’ve had my hand into most aspects of the comedy “biz”- Improv, sketch writing, feature films, television, podcasting, etc- The one thing I have yet to try out is stand-up comedy. And luckily, I’m in the right town for that (and know the right people). I probably won’t announce anything for quite some time, but in the next few month’s I’ll be starting to get up on stages around town and developing a stand-up routine. I’ll update folks once I feel “comfortable” enough to share my particular stand-up syltings. But I’m excited to try it out. And, also because if I stop working for even one minute I have to stare at the darkness that is myself (and it burns, father… how it burns).

• CAMEL TOAD PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS: Don’t for a second think because I’m suddenly busy I will stop making an ass out of myself on the internet. Cause I won’t… Unless you really want me to. No! Stay strong, Matt! What was originally envision as a stage show is now becoming a series of online comedy sketches, written and directed by myself and starring an eclectic group of comedy compadres. These won’t be “as” frequent with all the other weekly gigs going on, but I aim to shoot one every month or so- and start to develop a nice little back catalogue of sketches and what not. Sketch comedy (watching it, at least) changed my life, and I will ALWAYS think in terms of sketches. Here’s my chance to get a few out to the world. Sexy.

• PARTY RENTALS: I do Bar-Mitzvhas, Weddings and Quinceneras (you must provide the lavender Tuxedo)

Thar be the plan, childrens. Yes, I’m stacking my plates pretty high this year but I smoke alot of pot and have poor motor skills, so I have a tendency to drop plates. Keep your old occulars peeled to this space and twitter for more updates as they come .

2011 is the year of the Camel Toad. And if it isn’t, lie to me… I’m fragile like a breakfast pastry.

-Matt Cohen 7/5/2011 Playboy Mansion, Underneath the Grotto.

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Get excited.

I also don’t think I used one of those words right.

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Good. I hate it. And all of you…

Whoah, right? So not what you were expecting. Thought I’d be all gracious and shit. Maybe even get sentimental. Well, you’re right. I will. I just like to keep you on your toes. It makes it much easier to sweep you off your feet.

Yes… I just made that up. I know… No, I know!

Anywho. For realsies. SmodCastle. Closing. My Thoughts… Go.

One year and six days ago I was living in L.A, having returned from a stint as a P.A on Cop Out some months earlier. Not gonna lie. I wasn’t doing much of anything in the months following my return to California. A lot of “napping with my dog” (which is just me napping, and my dog doing whatever he does… I like to assume it’s napping but he could very well be trading stock, dancing… I don’t know. I don’t like to judge). I was of course, still doing Bagged & Boarded each week, skyped with the mouth from the south, Jesse Rivers. And, I suppose I was making a lot of plans, but that’s sort of my m.o. I am a grand schemer but a unrealistic actualizer. To be honest, I don’t really remember what day to day life was like a year ago, or even a day before all this SmodCastle business started. That is how transformative and wholly defining this last year and the entire SmodCastle experience has been for me.

And, it all started with a single tweet.

And like that, my life changed forever.

Now I’m not typically a very “asap” type of guy. If I have a good idea, I hope and trust it will remain good when I finally trudge around to getting to it. Yet,-… This was different. I spent a good portion of my formative years hanging around improv theaters and comedy shows (specifically the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in New York City, which without I’d be an accountant or something) and this was something I knew. Rather then jump into it and start my hyperbole machine as normal, I spent the next few hours SCOURING the internet for EVERY SINGLE theater/performance space/loft space in the Los Angeles area. I compiled a list. I color coded it. I inserted pictures and hyperlinks. It was wonderful for my OCD. This is about midnight now, on that same night.

In the morning I woke up early forgoing my usual holistic ritual of bong hits and not waking up and reached out to Kevin. I sent over my list of theaters, and hoped for the best.

This is paraphrasing colored by a magical year, so forgive me but I recall the conversation ended something like-

Kevin: Get on it. Call these people. Make it happen.

Telling me twice was far from needed.

I spent the next few hours calling every theater on that list, and basically pitching them on this yet to be named Smod/Pod Theater concept. Some were hesitant, some enthusiastic, most out of business. Somewhere around halfway down my list, I called The Complex group of theaters in Hollywood and spoke to a gentleman named Matt C. (an omen?). Not only was he receptive to the idea, but he had time that very afternoon to show Kevin and myself the space. I reported back to Messr. Smith, and that afternoon we rolled down to what would soon become the home of the worlds first podcasting theater.

And baby, was it a fixer upper

The Castle on day one... Puke Green a go-go

However, the obvious charm and potential read through the decades of dirt and bad taste, and like that- a deal was struck. The castle was ours. With the quick help and wit of @Geehak we also had a name… The SmodCastle. And the world rejoiced.

The next few months were spent in the trenches, cleaning and gutting the joint. Hanging art. Painting, and rigging, and hammering, and bleeding and oh so much physical labor. But, it was fun. And it helped the Castle come along a bit further. Twas like watching your ugly kid learn to walk… and get better looking. And I had some amazing beauticians to help me.

There would be NO SmodCastle if it weren’t for the invaluable help of a selected team of elite professionals. Aka, my good friends. When Kevin gave the renovation go-ahead, there were instant no brainers on who could join the team. Jeremy Graham brought the lighting know-how and the fearless ladder skills. Also, he aint afraid of a little electricity. Derick Armijo (who we’ll discuss a bit more later) and his pal Ryan Kain came in like champs and worked an insane amount of days/hours of no pay rather than the satisfaction of a job well done and the dream of creating the world’s first podcasting theater. Eliso was our heavy-duty cleaner and did a fantastic job few others would have dared approach. We had the pro help of Laura, and Chris and Jason- who hung the curtain and art, and built the table and front door. Brendoman came in on a few key occasions to lend a helping hand as well.  But first and foremost, is the amazing and incredibly generous Melissa St. Hilaire, who was very much my every day partner in crime on the SmodCastle pre-production process. She soldiered it out, 10 plus hours a day, six days a week for about eight weeks with me, and only she truly knows where the bodies are buried. When you hear us joke about building that place by hand ,it really isn’t too much an exaggeration and without the incredible people mentioned above, it just would not have happened.

Also… Mewes built some shit.

So, with two monts

This,

Was transformed into this,

And This–

To This

And other assorted miracles like that.

With a completed interior and a new sign hung on Santa Monica Blvd, the SmodCastle doors were kicked open in a grand fashion on Prima Nocta, which will go down as one of the best nights of my life, and also the night I learned to tone it down to avoid heart attacks (Hyper was an understatement). This empty space, (or rather dirt filled) that we entered for the first time a few short months before, had been magically transformed into a living, breathing, thing; full of energy, people, laughter. It was insanely fulfilling. And from that night, it remained fulfilling to the very end. To provide laughter to cats is my own goal in life, and to have a hub for that? You could feel the positive energy in the room. I know there are more “noble” pursuits in life, but if we somehow provided you with a worthwhile time, I feel very accomplished about this entire endeavor.

This was my first real “job” though I have been working since the age of 14. Finally, I knew what It meant to be proud and love what you do for a living. I had a reason to wake up in the morning, a reason to be productive and real life positive reinforcement for this work well done. Full seats, happy crowds, great podcasts. Life quickly had purpose and I found myself at the SmodCastle almost 7 days a week, if not for a real reason than just looking for some excuse to be there… Because there, was where it was all happening. Nothing made me happier then to see an excited line queued up on Santa Monica, chatting about the night’s potential greatness. And as the theater got bigger, and the crowds came quicker I knew that the small 44 seater was not long for this world. I equate it with the Beatles at the Cavern Club. You just HAD to know they were destined for more than that. And yet it was never bittersweet, because above all- we were the SMOD Castle. SMOD, key word. This wasn’t about the theater, but rather the people who made it. So when it became apparent that the demand had just grown too large for our small space to accommodate, the writing was on the black box so to speak.

And yet, the good times rolled on.

In one year, I have met so many heroes of mine; made so many new friends and had so many once in a lifetime memories created in that tiny little theatre, on a shady block in the “Bad part” of town. On a personal level,.. I got to perform again. Doing Bagged & Boarded live this past year (longest run SModCastle show, kids) has been a thrill and a dream I never knew I could achieve. Watching my friend Brendo grow as a performer. Getting to chat with the people who inspired me to be the weirdo I am today… and foremost, making strangers laugh; has been one of the greatest experiences of my life, one I doubt can be rivaled and I want to thank anyone and everyone who had anything to do with it.

I mean… folks. In one year… On one stage… I got to talk to

And that doesn’t begin to skim the surface of all the amazing guests that came through the doors in a year. So that rocked… And on a personal highlight– I got to do a show with my dad, in front of a live audience. That’s something I’ll never forget.

Hell, I met my girlfriend at this theater!!! What? I didn’t? What the shit ladies….? I was there….

The day has come where the drawbridge is almost shut and as the puck shifts up the block a bit, I want to take the time to individually thank the people who made the theater what it was.

The Crew

Jeremy, Melissa, Ryan- you already got your shoutout. Greedy Bastards.

Ming Chen- For all the last minute, late night phone calls about poster images. For your tireless work on that damn ticket website. For your love of bizarre sodas.

Ken Plume – For your patience, your grammar lessons and your audio help. Remember, Bagged & Boarded wouldn’t exist without you… so it’s all your fault.

Megels- I know you wont read this, as you are afraid of the internet. But… you make it easy. Go team Smod. (Strong Island, what!)

Carol- Another who wont read this but another with infinite patience, kindness and inspiration. Class act.

mc chris-  Not only did I get to know one of my all-time favorite musicians this year, but I got to know that he is an awesome dude. And… I got a song out of it. Way too kind a guy.

Amy Phister- Through it all, your positive attitude and willingness to throw down for the cause made day to day life that much better. Thank you.

The Cast

Prima Nocta Cats- Bry, Walt, Quinn, Katie- Thanks for lending your time/talent to be there for the birth of a dream. Good peoples, each and every one.

Dominic Dierkes, Eliza Skinner and D.C Pierson- The UCB kids. Thanks for giving us a shot, remaining awesome over the years. From NY, to L.A, from 06-2011, you guys rock.

Tom Green- It’s been a pleasure to get to know one of my early comedy idols and see him really develop his craft live with some awesomely talented guests.

Paul Hipp- Is a sick sick man… and a hilarious and talented one as well. Thanks for the private shows, music history lessons. You and Zig Zag are priceless.

Ralph Garman- The one person I didn’t know before, and someone I’m proud to say I know today. A hilarious gentleman who has been nothing but the epitome of class/generosity.

Scott Mosier- I dont like to admit weakness, but your intellect/wit is scary to me sir. Thanks for giving your name and all those great book recommendations.

Jay Mewes- He built some shit and one time he got me pizza. Nang. Im proud to call you a friend, sir and it’s been a blast getting to call you a “co-worker”. Street Fighter Noise.

Malcolm Ingram- Oh, Malx. You were truly one of the boys sir, and Ill forever cherish the time we all spent hanging and shooting the shit. Also- Blow Hard made me chortle.

Also Rans- Ryan and everyone at Golden Apple, Jensen, Matt Cruz, Jesse and Cathy Meza, Ross and Kim, All the SModSquadders, Destinee, Sean and Rod, Josh and Chelsea, The Gates Bros, Josh (Old School), Kelly, Ken Horton, Zak Knutson, Joey Figueroa, The entire Black Box crew, Jordan Mewes, The entire Smith/Schwalbach family and last but not least; my family-  and to all I’m forgetting -You know what you mean to me. And if you dont… Take off your pants and I’ll show you.

And to EVERYONE who ever graced/performed on our stage- Yeah… Can’t ever thank you enough. You will receive your sacrifices at the next harvest.

Also, if I forgot you- I’ll edit this and no one will be the wiser, will they?

The Two

Throughout the entire year run of the SmodCastle, besides myself, there have been two people who have been there almost 90 percent of the time, pledging their weekends and energy to help further the smod dream along. I knew they were good dudes before this, but after this past year I have come to appreciate just how loyal and hardworking they really are. And funny. Derick Armijo and Brendan Creecy. The SmodPloyees. I could not have done this without you, nor would I have wanted to. For all the chats, laughs, meals, last minute talk downs- It’s been not only a pleasure working alongside you but watching you both grow into hilarious podcasters in your own right (check out Pop Sickles now, if you haven’t already). I’m a dick. We all know this. Not many people would have hung along for the ride. It means the world to me that you two dudes came along for the journey with me, and I wish you nothing but bigger and better in the future (which I’m positive is coming your way). Plus… you make a cute couple.

My Maker

I feel like I’ve done this many times but many times will never suffice. To Kevin Smith…. For life. And I know that sounds silly,  but I really cant imagine what my existence would be like if you hadn’t graced it sir. Going from a fan, to a friend, to a business partner- you have never been anything but welcoming, and kind and have shown me more encouragement and faith then few people ever have in my life. This is your party sir, I’m just honored to have gotten an invite. I know I’m me… so that’s saying alot, but in the past year I really feel I’ve grown more as a person then I ever have before, and I can only thank you for that. For the opportunities, the friendship- The fact that you saw something in me that others have dismissed or written off. You always go with Hockey analogies, but I’ll go the more traditional route. You gave me wings to fly, dude. And I promise I’ll never touch the ground. People always say don’t meet your idols; I say it matters who your idol is. Mine, wound up being the best possible influence my life needed. From the bottom of my heart, Thank you… I am and forever, gratefully, a proud member of Team Smod.

You

Without an audience a theater is just seats, and I can’t make blowjob jokes or Patrick Duffy references to seats. To EVERYONE who ever came/supported the SmodCastle… I can’t ever fathom how I would thank you enough. You made this past year beyond fun and gave me something to do with my life and a new sense of pride in it. You rock. Find me for free cookies.

With that said, what now? Pizza, obviously. But besides that…. not much changes surprisingly. All the shows that were birthed at the castle live on bigger and better at The (soon to be) Lovitz PodCast theater, and dare I say, the plan sounds fucking amazing. As as fan of all these people (which I remain and always will be) I can’t think of a more exciting time. Also—–  S.I.R anybody? The future is so bright you gotta wear shades with Smod printed on the side. I HIGHLY recommend everyone check out the new network and get down to the Lovitz as soon as humanly possible for some of the funniest show in the world . Also— Booze! (people like Booze)

What does all this mean for me personally? Well, it means I get to take off my business hat (which was heavy and smelled like scotch) and put back on my “performer” bandana (so comfortable- notice how it breathes.) Bagged & Boarded is still very much a proud weekly member of the SmodCast Network and can be heard, as always for free each week at SmodCast and Itunes. Where will the show be recorded? One blog post at a time, kids. But suffice it to say- if you live in Hollywood and wanna see me record the podcast live, you’ll definitely get your chance.

Other then the pod, I got some other really cool, varied projects in the works that I’ll be announcing soon. I cant thank you all enough for your support as to now, and can only beg that you continue to give it in the future. But… it’s gonna be a good/busy summer. *Tease.

It’s been a life changing year, folks; one I’ll never forget.

The puck is moving, and as such, so should we be. Rejoice… or have joy thrust upon you.

Faithfully yours,

“SmodCastle’s” Matt Cohen

- Forever Smod

My dog Hellmutt who hated the Castle and it's steps

Follow me on twitter at CamelToad and check out CamelToadProductions daily for new exciting updates!

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“The Hollywood Tales of SSSid Green”

Get excited or something….

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Phish – “Meatstick” 12/31/10 New Year’s Eve from Phish on Vimeo.

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#UltimatePod-Tease

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Make it a good one folks.

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Hello friends- I feel like that is an appropriate introduction, as in the last year or so I have been in the extremely fortunate position to make a whole bunch of new friends. If you are reading this, for whatever reason, there is obviously something you find “worth while” about me/my stuff, and I thank you for that.

Let me level. I’m sort of a dick. Yeah, I have fun and can bring up an obscure geek reference with the best of em’, but at the end of the day: I’m sort of an asshole. This is not something I recently discovered, but rather a self instituted policy from years back. Now I don’t steal from people, or physically hurt people or anything like that; My “dickishness” is more of a mental thing.

Allow me to explain: And this it where it may get weird.

I don’t believe in god, or an afterlife- and couple that with the fact that I’ve always had an extreme fear/paranoia of death, things have gotten kind of intense in the last few years, as far as my mental acceptance of this process we call “Life”. I have always been morbid/depressed, but things came to a head recently, when I got my dog Hellmutt. Oh, and don’t think for a second this blog won’t be semi-pathetic (as all good blogs are). Yes, my dog fucked me up.

My dog is my life. “Meant to be” is an understatement for me and this mutt- We were destined for each other. He is, other then my family and the theater, my entire world. Life became a lot more bearable when he came  into it- but, at the same time- life got a schedule. Dogs, even small dogs like mine, don’t live more then 15 or so years. Natural fact. Something, I have an insanely hard time accepting. So instead of enjoying my best friend without reservation,  I am constantly doing “life math”- figuring out how much time we potentially have together. This started within a week of getting my dog. It quickly extended to the humans I love in my life as well. Which, is both sickening and unhealthy. And it needs to stop.

And, it kind of made me a monster.

At some point on this new morbid, fatalistic kick, I decided that since we all will inevitably go to nothingness (in my opinion), and that every single organic thing on this planet has died- nothing mattered anymore. If I’m just a speck of dirt in the sandlot of existence, what real weight to my deeds/actions have? If I’m gonna disappear entirely one day, why should I care? Why shouldn’t I only and always be concerned with myself, it at the end of the day, everything and everyone I know and love will die? Isn’t life too short to be concerned with other people?  Their feelings? Emotions (which was a concept I shamefully found laughable for the last few years)?  Why should I bother returning calls, or emails- or not embarrassing people in public? Who the fuck cares? I’m going to die… and none of this will have mattered.

And here is where I admit timing did sort of benefit me a bit. In this new “Fuck everyone but me” mindset I entered, I also realized that I had to make my own life- meaning, I had to dedicate myself to myself- and this timed out amazingly with the start of my career at the SmodCastle. For the past 8 or so months, I have worked harder and better then I ever have before, committed myself more fully to one thing then I ever have. The SModCastle became the meaning of life. Which, I definitely think didn’t hurt. I have managed to get more done since the theater opened then I had in 24 previous years of living. I am genuinely proud of that, and even prouder that I was able to accomplish what I set out to do, and that I didn’t let anyone down. Maybe even did a decent job. That rocks. And professionally? I’m obviously at the best place I’ve ever been in. The last year has been a whirlwind of professional triumphs for me and I am truly thankful for the opportunities/responsibilities I have been given.

Thank you to everyone involved in the SmodCastle, from the performers, to the guests, to the audience. You make dreams come true every single day. The past year has been unforgettable and almost hard to believe. Bigger and better. I don’t deserve to work/live amongst such awesome folks. #AllHailSmod

That being said… still kind of a dick. And sure, I’ll admit- I’m funny sometimes. I dig my stuff. I think it works. And nothing will change my comedy/art. That is a part of me that has always been there and was just waiting for a chance to escape. The “Me”- still gonna be that acerbic asshole I’ve always been. And that’s fine. That’s comedy. Feelings dont (shouldn’t) get hurt and I think I can make a genuine separation between my craft and myself.

But- come January 1st of 2011- the douchebag is dead. People do matter. And I should care about their feelings. Because- and here is where this whole idea came together;  They are probably just as miserable (sometimes) as me. And I know how much I hate when people add to my already mounting list of stress/worries/shit. And I’ve let myself become that dude. I’ve put my priorities over the feelings/respect of my friends, and they’ve stuck around. It’s time for a change. I am no longer going to let emails/voicemails go unanswered for months; I am going to check my occasional anger/frustration in public, as it’s embarrassing  for both me and the other party. I am going to make a genuine attempt at being a normal human being, whatever that means. I think a good start is just changing the way I interact with other people. No more scowling. I’m not 15 and goth. No more taking others time/efforts for granted. I have been so “one tracked” with my career, that I have really kind of shut myself away from other people (someone recently quipped “Dude, you are going full out Howard Hughes”). That sucks. On a personal level, I guess I am sort of lonely. Ready for sillyness again: I have to remind myself, I’m not Alexander the Great- I’m a fucking geek podcaster My “Goals” are not the kind that people should have to go through great pain/sacrifice over. I’m not conquering countries here. I’m doing comedy. And sure, all comedy comes from some place of pain, but it shouldn’t be painful for the others around me.

Now if you don’t know me in real life, and are like ‘Huh?”- it’s cool. This is just something I felt I needed to put out into the world to make real. I am always claiming attempts at self-improvement, but quickly set that aside for attempts at self progression. NOTHING will change about the way I do my comedy. I will not lose my “Edge”. I will not stop ripping on Brendo (on stage, at least)- Just know that I will be a lot happier off stage from now on then I have been in a long time. And hopefully those around me will to.

This is just more of a promise to the people in my life who have put up with a lot of bullshit, and a fair amount of arrogance in the past few years. I know… And I always know that for sticking by me, you all rock. And I will now level- it’s not personal: I haven’t cared about “friends” in a long time. If I haven’t returned a voicemail/email/message in a long time, it’s not you- it’s everyone not directly involved in my professional life. All I have cared about is work, and this isn’t to say that my work will diminish- rather, I think I can manage a successful business and successful personal life as well. They are not mutually exclusive. Everyone does it, and I’m not as special as I like to think. Selfishness is no longer the new black.

I have put certain things on the backburner for the sake of motivation:  A social life, a love life, my standing with certain people, naps

And while I wouldn’t take back the last few years for anything, I want to try and make the next few even better! And- I do run a comedy theater. People should be my bread and butter. The miserable thing isn’t cute anymore and the older I get I’m sure the more ridiculous it becomes. It’s back to appreciating people, their time, their work- just them. Someone I respect once told me “People are beautiful, man” and I’ve forgotten that. Time to rediscover the human race.

So, come midnight on Januray 1st, life resumes. Real life. Because, if I am right, and we only do get one shot at this thing, maybe people are the thing that make it worthwhile.

Or- I could be totally wrong and if so, fuck you all….

- A semi-humbled Matt Cohen

P.S Happy Holidays and a very happy New Years

P.S.S – This will only make sense to me, but it makes a lot of sense to me.

“We want you to be happy, don’t live inside the gloom.

We want you to be happy, come step outside your room.

We want you to be happy, cause this is your song too.” – Phish

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POP SICKLES #1 (Pilot) by mattcohennyc

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Hello 4 am.

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